


Ay, There's the Rub

by InfinityIllusion



Series: Seminar Oneshots [2]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Not A Happy Ending, Oneshot, Suicide, Tsuna has reasons, realization of main character status
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 05:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5079562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfinityIllusion/pseuds/InfinityIllusion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsuna had lived most of his life content with his status.  He was a loser, he was bullied (ok, he could've done without that), but he knew that not everyone could succeed in life and he was perfectly fine spending all of his spare time gaming, reading manga, and watching anime.  He learned more from those than school, anyways.</p><p>Or: Tsuna becomes a Main Character and regrets every moment (and no one stops to wonder why he's so against becoming a *cough* main character *cough* Mafia Boss), while proving that manga, games, and anime do teach things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ay, There's the Rub

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own KHR! and honestly, it's probably a good thing I don't (spj, you know what I mean). I also don't own Hamlet, that play belongs to a lovely dead man by the name of Shakespeare.
> 
> Warnings: suicide, offscreen character death (lots), canon level violence (implied), self-sacrifice (mind-set created via constant exposure), angst
> 
> As I said to the totally awesome spj -- this is why I'm not allowed to write things while I'm tired

“To be, or not to be? That is the question—

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And, by opposing, end them? To die, to sleep—

No more—and by a sleep to say we end

The heartache and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to—’tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wished! To die, to sleep.

To sleep, perchance to dream— **ay, there’s the rub** ,

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause. There’s the respect

That makes calamity of so long life.”

Hamlet

Hamlet: Act 3, Scene 1 

* * *

 

Tsuna was slow.  He was clumsy, had issues with kanji, was atrocious at math, and was guaranteed to ensure his team lost in gym.  That was his lot in life and, apart from the bullying, he was content with his ineptitude. He had far more free time as a result, so he could game and watch anime and read manga.  And the best part was, he was far less stressed than any of his classmates who actually managed to succeed in school or athletics.

 

It didn't mean he was happy, per se, with his life -- he could admit to jealousy of those with talent or whose hard work actually got them somewhere.  But that didn't mean he couldn't be content.  Not everyone could succeed, after all, and Tsuna had never been the most competitive child.

 

Of course, this contentment (complacency some might say) all goes down the drain when, one day, he's confronted with his mother waving a flier and talking about a new addition to the house -- a home tutor.  This is the same point his fiction-senses begin tingling: something suspicious is going to happen (honestly, the warning comes just a little too late).

 

So, Tsuna, when faced with the tiny gun-toting child claiming to be The World's Greatest Hitman, should hardly be faulted for his incredibly articulate thought: Fuuuuuuuuuck.

 

After all, there's only one reason why such a person would show up.  Tsuna has been given the honor of an upgrade to Main Character Status.

 

~IiI~

 

Tsuna no longer has nearly the same amount of time he had to dedicate to manga and games because of course he's the protagonist of an _action/adventure_ story, the kind he liked when he was about 5.  That was when he entertained the thoughts of grand adventure, the delight of being in the spotlight.  He's learned since then.

 

It's equivalent exchange, really.

 

The main character gains adventures, power, friends.  But, they can also lose it all (and sometimes, the main character loses himself).

 

Those are the new possibilities that lurk in his future -- have already begun to be incorporated into his daily life and his nightmares.  He wants to cling desperately to Gokudera and Yamamoto and everyone else, but at the same time, a part of Tsuna wishes he could return to being on the outskirts of school and life in general.  Because, these people and experiences are wonderful and terrifying, but they grow heavier every day as another person is…is drawn into his “sphere of influence” (or something.  Reborn’s always talking about Sky Harmony and Harmonization and something about Acceptance and such, but Tsuna has head it so many times now, he’s not actually sure what Reborn is saying anymore).  Regardless, it boils down to the fact that Tsuna's no longer responsible for only his own dreams.  For that burden, he could almost resent his friends.

 

There are days when Tsuna doesn't want to get out of bed (to be fair, he's had a similar feeling for a good portion of his life every school day, but the underlying reasons have changed), where he just wants to curl up under the covers or, barring that, beneath his bed, until he can catch his breath and ignore the world.

 

If people knew, well, Tsuna knows he's always been a lazy and selfish child and that hasn't improved as he's aged.  It's why he knows he won't (can't) be a mafia boss -- oh, he can see the potential, now that he's been training (tortured) with Reborn long enough, but he can't. He _can't_.

 

It will break him, facing the losses he knows he will face (facing his friends with blood on his hands, and ordering those same people into positions where they could, _may_ , die when he cannot be there with them to ensure their safety).

 

~IiI~

 

Tsuna starts to die the moment Reborn walked in the door, but that was a slow poison, or the foreshadowing of his life. It's the hint.  Nothing actually happens, then.  But, it doesn't change that Tsuna begins killing himself in a future that had only happened in the minds of himself and his friends.

 

~IiI~

 

So, Tsuna is selfish because he doesn't want to break, but there's not much he can do to return to his previous life of ignorance (there's pretty much no way, actually).  And it's not just a lack of other heirs.  Life is _interesting_ now, and he doesn't want to give up the warmth that is being surrounded by people who care.  So, he's selfish, because he won't (can't) give up this new life.

 

But, he knows the fate of those heroes (they've been the foundation of his history, his literature, his psychology class and ethics -- everything he was _supposed_ to learn at school) and some days, when the urge to crawl away is almost too strong, he wonders if it can't come soon enough.

 

~IiI~

 

And bouts of insanity later (it's not even ten years in an alternate timeline. Maybe four, or six...five?  Seven?

 

It doesn't matter, time is relative and the only people who are any good at keeping the years straight beyond the current date are Gokudera, who had a head for numbers, and possibly Hibari for reasons unknown.

 

Hell, it can't be _that_ important if even Reborn doesn't t seem to too concerned about the details.)

 

But, whatever. Time, relatively, life.

 

Tsuna has escaped middle school, passed high school and isn't being forced to attend college, which admittedly sounds so much less stressful than his current life he almost resents his Guardians having that chance while he's shackled to a desk and slowly taking more and more of the paperwork, power, and corruption of the Vongola from Nono.

 

And then suddenly, he's actually the goddamned Vongola Decimo and there's not a thing he can do about it -- any of it -- without the title and the backing of the Family.

 

It's on these days, he allows himself just thirty seconds to pretend he's curled under the covers or under the bed or in the back corner of his closet and it's _quiet_.  As payment for his weakness on these days, he dies faster because if he can go and clean some of the rot with his own hands, without risking more lives, what does it matter that he's killing himself in increments of flame, and liters of blood, and screams that are starting to become the background soundtrack to his life.

 

It's not like anyone's been successful in getting a tail to stick on him since the last year of middle school.  And that he's flying? Well, they've yet to find a way to stop him yet.

 

And, really, Reborn just adds more paperwork to his pile with a sadistic tilt of his hat as acknowledgement, and the manor continues to be destroyed (like normal), and the bills need to be paid (like normal), and, and, and.

 

And you’d think that all the normalcy in Tsuna’s daily life would help him settle into this life he tried to deny for years and weeks and seconds up until he was suddenly the actual _Decimo_ …?

 

And actually Tsuna just wants to go to sleep.

 

~IiI~

 

It's years and years later (even if it's years and years earlier than expected) when the Vongola is officially completely legal (with a side of vigilantism) and there is a party, small, personal, with smiling people wearing a rainbow of colors, dancing shades and hues, and there’s a warm orange backing them all, supporting them and ensuring their happiness....

 

....until, the next morning, when the tutor goes to wake his student (because yes he's accomplished his goal and is not longer a mafia boss, so he deserves a chance to lie in, but noon is the latest Reborn will let him sleep, because there's _more work to do_...).  For there lays the man, fast asleep, and dreaming the dreams of the dead.  His gloved hands are still soaked with the blood of the last group that had plotted to overthrow the Vongola under the Decimo, their bodies strewn in the bushes of the vast backyard attached to the Vongola mansion, and the blood of the last obstacle of the Vongola’s legitimacy – the last Boss of the Vongola Famiglia.

 

~IiI~

 

It is the fate of heroes, in this day and age, to be unselfish and constantly giving – to their friends, to their allies, to their enemies.  They may receive a happy ending, but are they not the most happy when they have the chance to die for their beliefs – protecting their _precious people_?

 

* * *

 “Good night, ladies; good night, sweet ladies;

good night, good night.”

Ophelia

Hamlet: Act 4, Scene 5

* * *

Please leave a review.

~Fini~

 


End file.
